The silent grief of miscarriage and pregnancy loss

Pregnancy loss is a deeply personal and often silent grief. Yet it’s an experience that touches many lives. In honor of Women’s Health Month, we connected with our partners at Poppyseed Health to disrupt the stigma and have a conversation around miscarriage and pregnancy loss. In this interview, we speak with Amina Cush, who bravely shares her journey of loss, healing, and eventually hope.

Amina’s story sheds light on the emotional and physical toll of late-term pregnancy loss and the impact of support. Whether you’ve faced a similar loss or want to understand someone who has, this conversation is a reminder that no one has to go through it alone.

In what ways was experiencing loss firsthand different from what you expected?

Experiencing loss was far more profound and complex than I could have ever imagined. Before my own loss, I thought I understood grief as a linear process, where time would naturally ease the pain. But in reality, it came in waves—some days were manageable, others felt like I was drowning. I didn’t expect how physically exhausting it would be, how much my body would hold onto the trauma, or how small, everyday moments would feel like insurmountable obstacles. I anticipated sadness, but I didn’t anticipate the mix of emotions: guilt, anger, numbness, and, eventually, hope. Another surprising element was the culture of blame and shame that often surrounds pregnancy loss. I hadn’t expected how much societal stigma and silence would make the experience even harder to navigate. There’s an unspoken expectation to move on quickly, and I often felt like I had to justify my grief or keep it hidden. What surprised me most, though, was how often the people closest to me didn’t have the tools or understanding to hold space for my grief. Even with good intentions, their words or actions sometimes reflected discomfort, minimization, or even avoidance. This added a layer of isolation that I hadn’t anticipated. It taught me how much education and awareness are still needed around pregnancy loss and how deeply we need to normalize open, compassionate conversations about it. At the same time, I didn’t expect the resilience that came with it—the small, unanticipated joys of connecting with others who shared similar experiences, the clarity of purpose that emerged, and the deep gratitude I developed for the moments of light in the darkness. Loss reshaped me in ways I never expected, giving me a different perspective on life, connection, and healing.

Did you experience lactation after loss? If so, how did it impact you?

Because our loss occurred at 29 weeks and happened while we were outside of the country, I was administered medication to stop milk production. This was a decision made to help manage the physical impact of the loss, given the circumstances. While it prevented the experience of lactation, the process itself was a stark reminder of what had happened, adding another layer to the emotional and physical toll. It underscored the immense complexity of grieving not only the loss of my baby but also the natural processes my body was preparing for that never came to fruition.

What was your experience with your employer during or after your loss?

I was very fortunate to have a phenomenal team and manager, all of whom were also mothers, during this time. I worked for a large tech company, and their compassion and empathy truly lifted me up during my darkest moments. My manager stepped in immediately to cover my workload, and I was able to take six months off to recover and process my grief. During that time, we were doubly fortunate to become pregnant again. Having the space to heal—both emotionally and physically—was critical, and I believe that without the support and understanding from my employer, it would have had a detrimental impact on our ability to conceive again. Their generosity and humanity during that period made a profound difference in my healing journey, and it’s something I will always be deeply grateful for.

How did your experience with loss impact your relationship with a partner and/or family/friends?

Experiencing loss profoundly impacted my relationship with my partner, and with our family and friends. For my partner and I it deepened our bond in ways I hadn’t anticipated. We leaned on each other in our grief, finding strength in our shared experience and supporting one another as we navigated the pain and healing process together. It wasn’t always easy—grief impacts everyone differently—but ultimately, it brought us closer and strengthened our partnership. With family and friends, the experience revealed the depth of our support network. Trusted friends showed up for me in ways I will never forget, offering their love and presence during a time when I felt incredibly vulnerable. With family it highlighted the challenges of discussing loss, as not everyone knew how to respond or offer support. While some relationships deepened, others required more patience and understanding. Overall, the experience reinforced the importance of compassion and connection in times of hardship. It taught me to communicate my needs more openly and reminded me of the resilience and love that can grow even in the face of profound heartbreak.

Did you choose to do anything to honor your loss?

My employer had a loss and bereavement program, and through it, they planted a tree in a forest in our daughter’s name, which was such a touching gesture. In addition, we held a lantern release festival with close friends to celebrate and honor her life. It was a beautiful way to create space for love, remembrance, and healing together.

What were some tools you used to help heal during this time?

I relied on a combination of tools that supported me emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I leaned on my community of trusted friends and sought guidance from a family therapist to process my grief. My partner and I found solace in physical movement, time outdoors, and nourishing foods that replenished my body. Acupuncture sessions with my trusted practitioner were pivotal in releasing emotional tension and preparing my body for healing. I embraced mindfulness practices like meditation and journaling, which became an outlet for processing pain and rediscovering purpose. These tools, along with the unwavering support of my partner, created a foundation for resilience and growth.

How has your experience with loss impacted your plans for the future or your own reproductive health goals?

My experience with loss has profoundly shaped how I approach my future and my reproductive health goals. It deepened my commitment to advocating for equitable, compassionate postpartum care—not just for others but for myself as well. Navigating such a challenging time taught me the importance of prioritizing holistic healing, intentional preparation, and community support. It also reinforced the value of listening to my body and honoring its needs while being proactive about reproductive health. As I look to the future, I remain focused on creating a nurturing environment for myself and my growing family, embracing both the lessons and resilience gained from this journey.

What does life look like today?

Today, life feels both expansive and deeply rooted in purpose. I’m balancing the joys and challenges of raising my beautiful daughter, Naima. I’ve embraced a slower, more intentional pace of life, prioritizing self-care, meaningful relationships, and gratitude for how far I’ve come. While the grief of my loss still exists, it no longer defines me—it’s become a part of the resilience and love that guide how I live and what I create.

As part of our women’s health portfolio, Mass General Brigham Health Plan offers many benefits for pregnancy, loss, and child healthcare. For example, members can work with Care Managers who provide resources and guidance for members with high-risk pregnancies, infants in the NICU, and children with acute illnesses. We also provide reimbursements for childbirth and breastfeeding classes.

If you’re a fully-insured commercial member, you can also utilize Poppy Seed Health—a 24/7 on-demand emotional and mental healthcare company that provides support to people on their reproductive health journey through pregnancy, postpartum, or loss.

To get the most out of your benefits or learn more about our health plan offerings—follow Mass General Brigham Health Plan on Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook, and YouTube.