Sensitive conversations: 4 ways to approach a loved one about their mental health

Have you recognized subtle changes in a loved one’s mental health? Maybe you notice a close friend has been increasingly relying on substances to cope with difficulties in their life. Or maybe you observe a family member who’s usually bright and bubbly becomes suddenly withdrawn.

Talking about mental health may feel daunting. You might be afraid to offend, say the wrong thing, or somehow make matters worse. But with the right approach, you can make a real difference in someone’s life. To recognize World Mental Health Day, let’s discuss how to navigate conversations about mental health, so you can better support your loved ones.

1. Express concern nonjudgmentally
   When you’re worried about a loved one’s mental health, it’s important to bring up your concerns in a nonjudgmental way. Instead of using “you” statements to address their behavior, use “I” statements to avoid making them feel attacked. Be direct and ask open-ended questions to allow the other person to lead the conversation. For example, if your loved one has been isolating themselves recently, you might want to say something like, “I’ve missed hanging out with you lately; what’s been going on?” Allow them to share on their own time, and don’t try to pressure them if they aren’t ready to talk.
   
   
2. Practice active listening
   Mental Health America notes the importance of practicing active listening when talking about mental health. This means putting everything aside and giving your complete attention to the person talking. Use body language to demonstrate the fact you’re listening, such as making eye contact, nodding, and using facial expressions to convey you’re being attentive. It also helps to provide feedback by summarizing what the person has said and asking clarifying questions to better understand their feelings. When practicing active listening, you want to listen to understand, not just to respond.
   
   
3. Avoid comparison
   If a loved one tells you about a difficult situation they’re facing, you might try relating to them by describing a similar situation you’ve dealt with in the past. Mental Health America says, while it’s okay to share similar experiences, you should avoid comparing your situation to theirs. It can make them feel like their problems don’t matter or that their pain isn’t legitimate. For example, if your loved one tells you they’re feeling overwhelmed by school, you wouldn’t want to talk about how you managed to achieve straight As while working full-time despite your own anxiety. Drawing comparisons isn’t helpful and can cause the other person to shut down.
   
   
4. Ask what you can do
   Mental Health America suggests asking your loved one what they need from you rather than assuming what would be helpful. If you ask and get an answer like, “Nothing,” or “I don’t know,” it’s okay to offer a few suggestions without pushing them. Maybe you offer to come over and spend time with them, to cover dinner, or babysit. The Massachusetts Department of Mental Health suggests encouraging your loved one to take some kind of action, whether it’s talking to family, other friends, or a mental health professional. Whatever happens, stay connected and continue checking in or inviting your loved one to spend time with you, even if they decline.

Supporting a loved one through the ups and downs of their mental health isn’t about fixing things; it’s about showing up with empathy and a willingness to listen. While these conversations may not always be easy, they can make a huge difference in helping someone feel seen and less alone. By approaching these moments with compassion and care, you de-stigmatize conversations about mental health and remind the people you love that they don’t have to face their struggles alone.

If someone you care about is at risk for suicide, text or call the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. For those in immediate danger or in need of urgent intervention, call 911.