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    Talking to your kids about gun violence: Supporting them through stress

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    June is National Gun Violence Awareness Month, a time dedicated to addressing the impact of gun violence in our communities. Over the last 20 to 30 years, incidents of gun violence have risen dramatically, with firearms now being the leading cause of death for children and teens in the U.S. According to the CDC, gun-related deaths among young people have increased by more than 50% in the last two decades. These statistics are alarming, and as parents, it’s natural to feel overwhelmed and unsure about how to talk to your children about this difficult topic.  

    However, avoiding the conversation won’t make their fears disappear. Kids are exposed to news, social media, and school discussions, which means they’re already aware of gun violence in some capacity. The best thing you can do is provide a safe space for them to process their feelings, ask questions, and develop healthy coping strategies. Here’s how to approach these conversations with care and support.  

    1. Start with what they know  

    Before diving into details, ask open-ended questions to understand what your child has heard or seen about gun violence. Younger kids may have vague ideas, while older children and teens may already be following news stories or discussing events with friends. Tailor your conversation based on their age, emotional maturity, and level of exposure.  

    For younger children, keep explanations simple and reassuring: “There are people working hard to keep us safe, and we have rules in place to help protect everyone.” For older kids, you can address current events and policy discussions while focusing on safety and emotional well-being.  

    1. Validate their feelings  

    It’s normal for kids to feel scared, confused, or even angry when discussing gun violence. Let them know their emotions are valid and that it’s okay to express their concerns. Phrases like “I understand why this makes you feel worried” or “It’s okay to feel sad about this” can go a long way in helping them process their emotions.  

    If your child seems particularly anxious, reassure them by focusing on the safety measures in place at school and in your community. A sense of control, even in small ways, can help reduce anxiety.  

    1. Provide age-appropriate safety guidance  

    While you don’t want to instill fear, giving kids practical safety advice can empower them. For younger children, this might mean reinforcing the importance of following school safety drills. For older kids and teens, discuss how to stay aware of their surroundings, report suspicious activity, and make safe choices in uncertain situations.  

    It’s also important to talk about the dangers of unsecured firearms. If your child ever encounters a gun at a friend’s house or elsewhere, they should know not to touch it and to tell a trusted adult immediately.  

    1. Limit media exposure  

    While staying informed is important, too much exposure to violent news can increase stress and anxiety in kids. Monitor what your child is consuming, and if necessary, set limits on social media and news viewing. Instead, encourage activities that help them feel safe and connected, such as spending time outdoors, reading, or engaging in hobbies.  

    “Limiting social and digital media is important for younger kids, but with teens and young adults, it is often better to see what they are viewing online and stop and discuss their thoughts and feelings about it,” said Dr. Eugene Beresin, MD, MA, Executive Director for the Clay Center for Young Healthy Minds. “It is also very important to consider where trusted, responsible information may be obtained. “

    1. Be a source of stability  

    Children look to their parents for reassurance, so model a calm and supportive approach when discussing tough topics. Even if you’re feeling anxious yourself, showing them that you’re there to listen and support them can make all the difference. Keep an open-door policy so they feel comfortable coming to you with questions or concerns.  

    In a Clay Center blog on helping kids cope with situational anxiety, Beresin stresses the importance of remaining calm when talking to your kids about difficult and traumatic experiences.

    “We are all shaken by sudden, unexpected, and at times devastating news events. Many people are profoundly concerned about climate change, natural disasters, or mass shootings. Remember that anxiety is ‘contagious,’ and your kids will pick up on your emotional reactions. The most effective way to help them is to stay calm yourself. Here are some ways you can help diminish your own anxiety:

    • Talk with supporters, such as a spouse, partner, friend or relative. Talking about your worries is a great way to decrease anxiety.
    • Take care of your physical health, including getting restful sleep and exercise.
    • Use the best methods you have found helpful for reducing your own anxiety, such as yoga, meditation, prayer, listening to music, reading, journaling, or watching a good TV show.”
    1. Take action together  

    If your child is feeling helpless about gun violence, getting involved in community efforts can be empowering. Look for local advocacy groups, participate in awareness events, or write letters to lawmakers. Taking action, even in small ways, helps kids feel like they can make a difference.  

    Gun violence is a tough but necessary topic to discuss with children. By creating a safe and open space for conversation, validating their emotions, and providing reassurance, you can help them process their feelings in a healthy way.

    Additional resources

    To learn more about how to talk to your kids about gun violence and address situational anxiety, check out the following Clay Center resources:

    Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Firearm Mortality by State and Demographic Characteristics. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/pressroom/sosmap/firearm_mortality/firearm.htm

    Kaiser Family Foundation (KFF). The Impact of Gun Violence on Children and Adolescents. https://www.kff.org/mental-health/issue-brief/the-impact-of-gun-violence-on-children-and-adolescents/

    Everytown for Gun Safety. The Impact of Gun Violence on Children and Teens. https://everytownresearch.org/report/the-impact-of-gun-violence-on-children-and-teens 

    The Clay Center For Young Healthy Minds. How To Help Kids Cope With Situational Anxiety. https://www.mghclaycenter.org/hot-topics/how-to-help-kids-cope-with-situational-anxiety/
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